


If You're Still Breathing, You're the Lucky Ones

by WreakingHavok



Series: Infinity War [2]
Category: Avengers: Infinity War - Fandom, Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE, Don't even read the summary, Father/son relationships, Gen, Hugs, Major character death - Freeform, Panic Attack, Pepperony is only mentioned, Sadly, a lot of people die my dudes, can we realize that peter is only a child, descriptions of a slow and painful death, overall hoplessness, spoilers for Infinity War, tHANK U
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 15:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14452650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WreakingHavok/pseuds/WreakingHavok
Summary: [SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR, PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION]Tony Stark has always wanted a kid. And, well, he got one - and he led him to his death, like a lamb to the slaughter, like the fiery furnace, innocence dead and burned to a crisp, and he’s left inhaling the ashes.Or,The thoughts of one Tony Stark as Peter Parker dies.





	If You're Still Breathing, You're the Lucky Ones

**Author's Note:**

> Some events and lines of dialogue will be inaccurate as I wrote this a couple hours after I watched the movie and I can’t remember this scene very specifically. I also don't own Marvel. Unless I do. You'll never know.
> 
> (I don't.)

The two aliens go first. 

 

One and then the other, they dissolve into ashes, yells and questions left half-formed as they cease to exist. They fall and disappear until the only non-human left is the blue one, the one who’s name he doesn’t even know, the one who showed up out of nowhere and smashed Thanos into the ground with her ship. She didn’t hit him hard enough.

 

**_(I dreamt we had a kid, Pep, Tony says to his fiancée.)_ **

 

Star-Lord is next. Quill looks at him with horror in his eyes, holding up a hand that’s breaking apart, ashes flying into the air and into Tony’s lungs as he breathes in, out, in, out, watching with a scary numb detachment as Star-Lord crumbles to pieces before his eyes. Quill’s mouth opens and no sound comes out, his face completely petrified, and Tony is slammed with the realization that even though he’s mad at the man for allowing Thanos to recover, even though it’s partially his fault Tony has a stab wound in his gut, Peter Quill is only human and he’s only just a kid.

 

He’s a kid who’s lost everything, and Tony wishes he could apologize, but the wind breaks through Quill’s dim grey outline and scatters Star-Lord into the bitter air and there’s no use in apologizing to a pile of ashes.

 

**_(I dreamt we had a kid, Pep, he says to her. She smiles at him.)_ **

 

Stephen Strange lets out a sigh from behind him.

 

“It was the only way,” he murmurs, sounding like he’s trying to convince himself.

 

He looks up at Tony and smiles, teeth smeared with blood. His cape waggles a corner at him, almost a wave of goodbye. Tony stares Doctor Strange in the eyes until the blue orbs turn grey, and the Sorcerer Supreme is a pile of dirt at his feet. That’s what you get, Tony thinks. That’s what you get for turning over the stone. That’s what you get for killing us all.

 

**_(Pepper smiles at him, shaking her head.)_ **

 

Tony guesses whatever is killing them has something to do with Thanos, and he knows this probably means the Titan has all of the Infinity Stones. And they’re all dying - that he knows for certain, and the only possible way this could turn out well for him is if he disintegrates before he’s the last one standing. He closes his eyes and waits for his turn - waits to feel his body crack and scatter and fall to pieces. He doesn’t want to die alone - he’ll even take dying with a blue alien stranger over a cold and barren landscape.

 

**_(And it felt so real, Pepper, that when I woke up -)_ **

 

“Mr. Stark?”

 

Tony’s eyes snap open, and he’s shocked out of his numb state of mind, reality crashing into him.

 

Peter.

 

He’d forgotten the kid was even there. And it’s just like cruel fate that only now does he remember that he’s led a fifteen-year-old to his death, billions of light years away from his family and friends who’ll never know how he died.

 

“I don’t feel so good,” Peter says, and he doesn’t look so good either - he’s pale, so pale he’s almost grey, almost the color of the ashes that Tony’s still breathing in and coughing up - the ashes that used to be people, but now they’re dead. 

 

Peter’s arm is curled around his stomach, eyes downcast and squinted in pain.

 

“You’re alright, Peter -“ Tony starts, but his throat stops working, refusing to allow the comforting lie slip past his lips. Peter will not be alright - it had taken Tony no time at all to figure out what was wrong. Peter’s dying, just like Quill and Strange and the aliens.

 

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Peter gasps, looking up with wide and horrified eyes. He takes a lurching step forward and starts to fall, but Tony is forced into action and steps to intercept his path to face planting on the rocks.

 

Peter falls heavily into his arms, dead weight in his grip. He feels hot, skin burning even through his suit, and the boy gasps for air as Tony stumbles, heart rate rising, panic levels increasing, yes, thank you FRIDAY - 

 

Except FRIDAY isn’t here, she’s off somewhere with the top part of his suit, and he grabs at Peter with everything he has, pulling him into his arms. Tony listens to Peter’s cries grow louder and more desperate, feeling guilt and horror rise up with each painful breath. Turning into ash has to hurt. 

 

“I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go -“ 

 

Peter’s crying now, clutching his fists into Tony’s suit, trying to find purchase in the dented steel. 

 

Not a hug, just reaching for the door. Not a hug, just holding you as you decompose from the inside out.

 

“I don’t want to go, sir, please,” he chokes, and Tony wonders if it had hit him before this - wonders if the teenager had realized just how dangerous this was, just how easily people can die, with a snap of the fingers or the sharp retort of a gun, or falling, falling, a horrible shooting star streaking towards the ground. Tony wonders if Peter realizes now that all it takes to ruin you is a mere distraction, a mere moment, a dice thrown at random that steals all you love away.

 

Peter is shaking and whimpering quietly, and Tony can only stare, can only listen to Peter’s voice getting weaker and higher and as each second passes sounding more and more like a scared little kid.

 

Which is all he really is, Tony thinks, as suddenly Peter’s legs give out and he topples backwards, dragging Tony with him and landing hard on the rocks below.

 

**_(And it felt so real - it felt so real -)_ **

 

Tony feels his heart sink down to his feet at the sight of the boy beneath him. “Kid -“ he says, and he wants more to come out, but he inhales something that clogs his throat. Ashes - more ashes - and Peter stops struggling.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and Tony can feel the kid’s legs and torso start to vanish. Tony’s heart constricts painfully, and he grabs Peter’s shoulders like he can stop him from dying simply by holding him together.

 

**_(It felt so real, that when I woke up -)_ **

 

Tony looks down at Peter through wide a wide and terrified gaze. Watery brown eyes, still a bit of a child’s face left on him, a mask of pain drawn over his usually joyful features, skin paling with every passing moment.

 

Tony Stark has always wanted a kid. And he got one. He helped him, loved him, did everything he could for him, built him a suit to protect him.

 

**_(When I woke up, I thought -)_ **

 

Tony watches Peter’s face crack and vanish into the dirt beneath him. His hands hit the ground as grey swirls curl up into the air around him. He slowly sits up, curling his hands together, watching Peter’s ashes smear between them.

 

**_(I dreamt we had a kid.)_ **

 

Tony Stark has always wanted a kid. And, well, he got one - and he led him to his death, like a lamb to the slaughter, like the fiery furnace, innocence dead and burned to a crisp, and he’s left inhaling the ashes.

 

**_(I dreamt we had a kid.)_ **

 

He feels a tear fall down his cheek and he closes his eyes. It doesn’t hit him until five minutes of rocking back and forth on his heels have gone by - Tony’s still here. He hasn’t disappeared, no ashes, no pain. He’s still alive, and it looks like he’s going to stay that way.

 

And it hits him, then - hits him hard, and everything rushes over him until it’s too much and he can’t breathe, and he screams and he cries and he mourns. 

 

Panic attack, a ghost of a voice supplies calmly in his ears, but he only cries harder. He programmed FRIDAY to sound just like Pepper, and hallucinating her voice makes him wonder if he might have lost her too.

 

_**(I dreamt we had a kid. And it felt so real, that when I woke up, I thought -)** _

 

Was it worth it, Quill? he screams in his mind. Was your couple punches to avenge your girlfriend worth the life of Peter? 

 

No.

 

Was it worth it, Strange? Knowing that going back on your promise only got more people killed than you saved? 

 

No.

 

Was it worth it, he asks himself, between sobs and gasps for air. Was it worth it to love Peter Parker, only to get him killed in the end?

 

**_(I dreamt we had a kid.)_ **

 

Yes, Tony thinks through his tears, watching the water wash the ashes off of his hands and coughing up the last of the dirt in his lungs.

 

Always and forever, yes.


End file.
